Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
