the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
