All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
