I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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