Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
