All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
