pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
