YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
one two three fourrrrnication!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
