he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
