I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
