atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
