Screwed.edu
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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