K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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