Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
