Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
