Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
