I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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