I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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