Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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