White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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