I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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