The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
