Your dad touched me again.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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