I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
