Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am naked and annoyed.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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