when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
