At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
