Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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