I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
