when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
