you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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