I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
