you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
