My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
