He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
