i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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