did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
