Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
