oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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