I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
