you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
