The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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