Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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