mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
