i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
3 2 1 whiskey
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
