we're blogging at a bar
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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