dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We had sex on a dog bed..
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
