I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
