You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
