Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
