I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
