Rock
Scissors
Fuck
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
